The Hamster Hustle: A Farewell Ode to Corporate Conveyor Belts

The day I got canceled by the workforce.

Gather 'round for a tale of woe (delivered with a wink, natch, because a queen never loses her composure, even when the bank account starts whispering sweet nothings about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches). Your favorite chronicler of societal absurdity finds himself unceremoniously "rightsized," "downsized," or whatever euphemism the suits cooked up …